"it" just moved
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My bed smells like the plague
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
