I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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