I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
