dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
