Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
