Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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