my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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