I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
