Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize