I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
