You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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