I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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