You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize