So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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