bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
