I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize