pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
