): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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