someone get that fucking seahorse.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
