I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
