i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
