I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
