My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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