no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
