I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize