I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
