When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mom said you looked used
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
