i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sext me about skeletons
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
