Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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