Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize