everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
