God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
