Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
