So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
