hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
