Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
