I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
