whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
