My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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