I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just high enough for therapy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
