Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
