Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
