I just cut my nipple shaving
she looked like the before picture.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
