Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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