Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
