never play flip cup with pint glasses
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
