Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
