my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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