Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
