A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
