love makes seman taste better
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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