can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
