I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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