so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The uberlube is also flammable
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
