HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
