You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
