the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
