First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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