saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
