She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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