walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
