You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
