Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
