Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You pole danced in your parka.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
