You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
